Too Spoopy

Too Spoopy


  • Tag Archives Guillermo Del Toro
  • Mama: Guillermo Del Toro Presents another disappointment


    I guarantee My girlfriend had a better review of the film than I’m about to write.
    When we finished the film, a few minutes after, she said the following.

    “It was good, until it wasn’t.”

    What starts as an atmospheric film about a paranormal entity and its impact upon abandoned children in the woods, quickly travels to what I like to call, “Sappy Town.” It suffers from the same ending all Guillermo Del Toro presents films seem to. This being the cheesy, “and the children lived happily ever after, so there’s that” finale. I’ll put up with it when it’s a Guillermo Del Toro film, but when you sit through a stinker like Mama, you start to think it’s lame.

    What’s most disappointing about Mama, is, much like Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark, it had a lot of potential. Much like DBAOTD, it had great visual effects. Though, in Mama, the CG is used a little too much: you don’t need to CG a kid hustling around on all fours. Get a stunt kid for that shit. Similar to DBAOTD, the source material was great. In Mama’s case, it was an unnerving Spanish language short.

    Game of Thrones star Nikolaj Coster-Waldau proves he can act outside of the show (unlike Kit Herrington, AKA Jon Snow, AKA I can’t even fake caring about being in Silent Hill 2 like Sean Bean is). And yet, he gets knocked out, and spends most of his time outside of the picture. We are left with a Brody Dalle from The Distillers lookalike.

    brody dalle


    Chastain and whatever the actresses, actors names of the children were, can’t carry the film.

    Hate to say it, but I think Guillermo might need to stop presenting so much. Or, at the very least, maybe he should present only Spanish language films? Fool me once, shame on you, but fool me twice, and all that jazz.

  • Why Can’t Anyone Do a Decent Lovecraft Adaptation?

    With the recent news that Tom Cruise may be starring in Guillermo Del Toro’s At the Mountains of Madness, based upon the legendary Lovecraft novella, and news about the script popping up online, I find myself once again dreading another Lovecraft adaptation. If you had talked to me five years ago, I would have told you it was the one film I was most excited for, in the universe. Talk to me now, and perhaps its just that nothing can live up to what I built this movie up to be in my head, but all my high hopes for the film have been dashed. It might be James Mcavoy, who I’m ok with. However, Tom Cruise is so crazy, that I know I won’t be able to enjoy an ATMOM with him in it, no matter how great the visuals are.
    I heard that the script has Cthulhu just arbitrarily showing up, and that the city under the aformentioned Mountains of Madness has been completely wiped from the script. Likewise, the whole explanation of humanities standing in the cosmos has apparently been cut, in what I can only assume to be an attempt to make the film less philosophical and nihilistic, so that a wider audience can sit and watch it without feeling bummed out.
    If you read either of the short stories or the poem I’ve posted, you can probably guess that Lovecraft is a big influence on my writing (I know real original, right?). I try not to name names, but to rather emulate Lovecraft’s grand scale and concept that there are things that if seen by human eyes, will render the viewer mad. Obviously, I also try to make my stories my own. I don’t want to ever get to the point, where I’m relying on Lovecraft’s gods, to make the story powerful, instead of my own powers with words. Admittedly, its tough to come up with new creatures, because I can’t think of a type of abstract monster that can’t in some way be traced back to at least one Lovecraft tale. Also, there are enough authors that rely solely on Lovecraft’s gods already, for nearly everything they write. I may have some homages to the man’s work in the future , but ideally I will be trying to have everything I write be mostly me. Off topic, I know, but it just occured to me, so there ya go.
    You ask me, the power of the story was that we finally got to find out how humans ranked in the cosmos, among Lovecraft’s set of gods. Also, perhaps my favorite literary setting of all time is that underground city, found beneath the mountains. It is so epic, and cutting that out seems like a needless thing. Why not just cut out the shoggoths? And while we’re at it, lets cut out the whole part about the elder things as well. Lets just change them to zombies! Oooh, or lets change them to vampires, because that hasn’t been done enough yet!
    The only thing I’m looking forward to about this film is the monster design. However, I could just browse through the internet for Lovecraft monsters, or I could go play Call of Cthulhu: Dark Corners of the Earth, again, preferably without the damn part where I saved it, and then the game froze at the exact spot it would reload to. Without the important theme of humanities minute standing in the universe, where is the power behind the beasties? It makes them no different then any other cliche, movie monster. Also, I know Cthulhu is a god, and can propably transport himself wherever he wants on Earth at will, but last time I checked he was asleep in R’lyeh, not dead but dreaming. So, why would he randomly wake up to scare some little tiny humans in Antartica? That’s like if I woke up, and decided to drive to Colorado, into a specific set of wilderness, to take out three specific ants. Its completely, and utterly, preposterous.
    Why is it so hard for Hollywood to make a decent Lovecraft adaptation? My take on it, is its because all of these producers and film makers want to show the fantasic creatures and settings of Lovecraft, without the themes of humanity being low on the totem pole, and so woefully unprepared for other beings in the universe, that the sight of them will drive us mad. They don’t want to screw up their profits by making people have to think too hard, essentially.
    Maybe someday I can watch a decent Lovecraft adaptation, that isn’t put out by the Lovecraft historical society with a super low budget, so that the monsters look all silly. Still, at least they keep their films in the correct time period, and at least they try to convey the themes previously discussed. Lovecraft must be rolling in his damn grave.

  • I saw a Dead Hooker, and it was awesome!

    First and foremost, I’d like to thank everyone from All Things Horror Online, for not only linking my site, but also for managing to track down a copy of Dead Hooker in a Trunk. They had a screening of the film down at the Somerville theatre, and I don’t want to give anything about the film away, but I will say it was gleefully fucked up, and if you are a fan of independent films and horror or b movies, you should track it down and watch it when it comes out on dvd. They screened a few short films before Dead Hooker, and one in particular, entitled Side Effect, was really messed up. Also, during the month of October, the folks at All Things Horror Online will be having screenings every Wednesday of all sorts of stuff, so if you’re in the greater Boston area, come check it out.
    Now, I know I said I’d be talking about everything horrific, but the last two posts have been simply about writing, and themes in writing. I plan to try and post more horrific and fucked up things, so don’t worry your pretty little heads off.
    I wish I had more to tell you this week, but I haven’t finished any books or seen anything that scary since Dead Hooker on Wednesday. I did watch The Mothman Prophecies again Thursday, and that movie creeps me the fuck out. Likewise, the story of the Mothman is quite chilling on its own. I love cryptozoology. Just the concept of entities and creatures science has yet to be able to discover intrigues me.
    I read that Guillermo Del Toro wants to cast Tom Cruise, for his adaptation of Lovecraft’s At the Mountains of Madness. I will not mince my words here, I think this fucking sucks. Likewise, I read that the script for ATMOM completely cuts out the underground city in the Mountains mentioned in the title, and that Cthulhu just randomly shows up at the end. Seriously, what the fuck. I had such high hopes for this film, and they are quickly being beaten to death against a rock, like a fish recently reeled in from the ocean.
    I’m going to try and see Machete this weekend, and if I do, of course I’ll let you darlings know if I liked it. I mean, I’m obviously going to wank it to the film (sarcasm), but I do hope that its good for more then some quality T n A parading around the screen. If I wanted that, I’d just watch porn.
    One final note for all you readers out there. Initially, I was planning to post all my visuals, like trailers and pictures and the like, only on Fridays. However, after some careful consideration, I’ve decided to scrap the idea. I mean, if I see a really bitching trailer for a movie on a Thursday, why the hell shouldn’t I just post it that Thursday?! See, you have no good answer!
    Until next time, you sure you don’t believe in ghosts? You went up to wash your face, and you saw the reflection of something in the room behind you, walking by your bed. And, when you left the bathroom to go back to bed, you noticed that it was noticeably colder by the bed than in the bathroom. Which is strange, seeing as how it is ninety degrees outside. Perhaps, they just want someone to talk to. Let’s hope so.