What is there to say about Svet the vet, the Fedetov cocktail, who Comixes it up on the regular.
I remember back when she would comment on my blog posts that I’d link to my Facebook. She was always consistent, and always snarky about it. I remember thinking that she was funny, and it was cool to have a “fan.”
And then, seemingly over the space of mere months, she started writing for Brutal as Hell, and Fangoria, and told me she got to interview Steve Niles via Skype, and has a book coming out.
So, it’s a case of someone who I assumed to be just a fan, greatly surpassing me in status in no time at all. The fuck?
All of it is deserved, by the by. She is a mad woman, who makes me guffaw frequently, and often manages to sneak in some genuinely poignant commentary into her writing.
Plus, she sounds like a Russian spy. So, she has that going for her.
Join us, won’t you?
Favorite Russian person?
Genndy Tartakovsky, they guy who made Dexter’s Lab, Samurai Jack, Powerpuff Girls and Hotel Transylvania. I love his animation style. He’s Soviet without being communist.
Best horror movie involving an animal?
Beverley Hills Chihuahua
If you had one day left to live, what would you do?
Steal a bunch of Ferrari’s and crash them into china shops. Then probably swing off of some chandeliers.
Is Svetlana even your real name?
Most definitely. I can show you my ID. What’s funny is that you’re not the only one to ask me that. I think my lack of of an accent throws people off and they think I use a fake name. I mean, damn, my middle name is Igor. Why would I fake that?
Being the Devils Advocate. Wait….
Wittiest thing you think you’ve said lately?
How about wittiest thing I’ve heard? “I bet if I put my ear up to your vagina, I could hear the ocean.”
Best animal ever?
My dogs, Han Solo and Her Royal Highness Duchess of Grumpybuns Princess Leia of Alderaan. They are pretty sweet.
If you could be any kind of monster, what kind would you be?
I’d want to be one of those really adorable monsters from some anime that farts rainbows, grants wishes and flashes a lot of panty for some reason.
If a man axes down a tree in the woods, and no one hears it, is he still a tree murderer? Follow up: do you think trees scream, but it is just at such a low volume level we can’t hear it?
Oh yeah, he’s definitely still a tree murderer. It’s like that saying, ‘no one in space can hear you scream.’ You’re still getting killed. I don’t think trees scream in anyway that we understand, but maybe spiritually scream. Like some Cthulhu type creature walking between the worlds can hear the trees and he’s wigging out about it.
Most recent moment when your life felt unreal?
When Fangoria let me write for them. That was pretty unreal.
Most recent moment when your life felt very real?
There are these moments in my life where everything tends to hit a stride and align just right where the world would open up to me for just a minute and say “this is the reality of life. This is how we exist with each other.” After a minute it slowly fades away back into pieces of separate existence, but for a moment, I can feel the atoms of the world vibrate in my pores. Maybe that’s more unreal?
Favorite cartoon you watched as a child?
Rocko’s Modern Life, though I watch it now and it’s pretty awful.
Favorite cartoon you watch now?
Adventure Time with Finn and Jake. Hot damn, do I love that show. Also, Regular Show.
Asinine, it’s not a swear but it sounds like one.
“Right in the feels.”
I know, it’s gonna get internet dated really quick, but it’s so fun to say.
If 101 Dalmations was done accurately, wouldn’t it be more like a horror film?
Oh, most definitely. That’s why I put Cruella De Ville on my Top 5 Disney Villains article for Brutal as Hell. That bitch is crazy.
What do you think of the phrase torture porn?
Sex and porn. I know it’s meant as gratuitous torture, but that’s what I hear instead. Like a rape and kill kind of thing. For as much horror that I’m into, I cannot do rape then kill stuff. It makes me want to cry.
Worst day of your life?
I just recently had a bad reaction to some anxiety meds and spent the first day panicking, the second day crying and then going to the hospital, the third day kind of crying and taking the ‘calm yo ass down’ meds the hospital gave me, and now…now I’m just bummed out. What a way to start my vacation.
Thanks for the interview. Now get back to writing, slacker.
I do what I want.
Hey, while I’m here, I got a zombie comedy novel coming out soon under the name S. Vlad Fedotov from Blysster Press. It’s a bit like Harold and Kumar go to Zombieland. No title yet, but, soon. Soon.