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  • Tag Archives Jennifer Cooper
  • Random-Ass Interview: Jennifer Cooper

    You can find Jen Musing away at Musings of a Morleysaurus or on Cooper’s Twitter or Jennifer Cooper’s Facebook.

    If a random person interviews an equally random person, does that mean the interview will be normal, because the two randoms will cancel out the randomness?

    Well, I guess it truly depends on just how random said random people actually were. Take me and you for example, we’re not just random, we’re off the fucking chart…henceforth, unlike when you walk over 3 drains and then have to run back over them to cancel it out, otherwise you will ruin your love life…there ain’t no amount of back crossing and escapaaay’ing the sheer utter randomness of us two randoms! Ya dig me pigmy? Although you are not a pigmy…you’re pretty tall right?(I’m average height, bout 6 feet, for the record.)

    If your boobs were to come to life, which one would you say would be more evil, the right one or the left one?

    I’d say the right one, the right ones all about the brains. Lefty is more sheer braun! For example, Miss Right is more likely to order Lefty to suffocate you to death. All whilst she just hovered there thinking ‘yeah bitch, I’m in control yo!’ 😉

    What’s the strangest Scottish saying that you can think of?

    I don’t know about saying, but I like the word bampot! Bampot is a good word! I remember having completely forgot about the word, and then I was home from Uni and round at my auntie’s for a New Year’s party or something. Anyhoo, I remember my auntie Linda calling someone a bampot and thinking, huzzah! I had completely forgotten about the existence of ye olde bampot! For example, I could use it in the sentence – “Bahnick, you’re such a bampot!” Ha!

    If you could resurrect anyone to have a dinner with, who would it be?

    Jeffrey Dahmer. I think he’d be a nice dinner guest. We’d eat mushroom risotto and pumpkin pie. What a jolly old evening it would be! And then we would dance in the moonlight. You could do that with Jeff…you didn’t need to worry about wearing some icky body suit that would be all grosse and stick to you and shit! That was more the traits of mummy’s boys that it was!

    If you could be any monster, what kind would you be?

    Jenpira, Mistress of the Dark! Or the lovechild of Jason Voorhees and Angela Baker! Obviously this would work when Jason gets resurrected for like the billionth time and is injected with frog DNA, you know, the one they use in Jurassic Park so they have to go out into the park and look up all the dinosaurs skirts! Because of this froggy DNA, Jason now has girl hormones so when she man Angela bums him with her giant choad, Jason gets pregnant and gives birth to this beautiful, freaky deaky little mutant MOI! 🙂 But what would they name me…hmmmmm??

    If you got in a terrible car crash, and the only way to stay alive was to have more than half of your body replaced with machines, would you? I guess I’m asking, would you be a Jenbot?

    Oooh, so I’d kind of be like Inspector Gadget? I could be all like, GO GO GADGET ARMS!!! Yeeeah! I could be digging that! Whenever I say ‘go go gadget arms’ at the moment, it doesn’t really have the same effect, haha.

    Favorite band that sings about stupid shit?

    Macabre. Definitely Macabre. Although they don’t technically sing about stupid shit, they sing about AWESOME shit! Haha. All their songs are about serial killers, they’re ace. They’re a total death metal band who are shit hot. They have a whole album about Jeffrey Dahmer, it’s ace!

    If your rabbit killed a man, would you hide the body and act like it never happened?

    Of course! I’d make the little bastard help me dig the grave though! I could totally see him killing someone though, hell, have you seen the scar on my face after he mauled me last week!?! Admittedly that was my own fault. Moral of the story, don’t blow a raspberry on a bunny’s tummy when he’s lying on his back. Especially when said bunny looks like Hitler!


    Do you think there are such things as ghost animals?

    Oh most definitely. My last bunny, Flopadopasaurus is now in bunny heaven, roaming the place as Frankenflops! Hamish, my dog, he totally still sensed her when she became all ghostly. <3 Actually speaking of Hamish and ghosts, that adorable little Westie of mine has most definitely killed a few postmen in his time, I swear he has them buried all around my Parents back garden. Bit by bit. Favorite 80’s cartoon?

    Dungeons and Dragons. I totally wanted to be Hank. 😛 Ooh, or Sharky and George..the crime busters of the sea, doo doo doo doo doo dooooooo…

    Favorite serial killer?

    Jeffrey Dahmer! The beautiful, crazy man that he was. And he was crazy. Fuck you Milwaukee courts saying otherwise! Second favourite is Dennis Nielsen, the original Jeffrey Dahmer coincidentally. I like gay serial killers. You know, the lonely ones who just wanted someone to love them and stay with them. Such sad states of melancholy. Plus, seeing as how they wouldn’t kill me, I could be their best friend! *giggles*

    And here’s a thought, why is it that despite both speaking English, the American’s and the Brits have to spell certain words differently? Such as favourite! I hate spell check on things as well as it always comes up that I have misspelled these words…when I most definitely have not! It irk’eth me most greatly! (I have no idea Jen.)

    Are you in fact your favorite serial killer?

    Maybe in my own sick little head. Although see answer to question above…I’d want to be the best friend and partner in crime of my favourite serial killer/s.

    Favorite x Files episode?

    Seeing as how that is an impossible question to answer, (hell, I’d have an easier job sawing off my own foot, Dr Gordon style than answering that question!) I shall go with one of my favourite episodes. Irresistible. This is a gorgeous episode, and really quite an iconic one too. Donnie Pfaster, the character based on Jeffrey Dahmer, is one of the creepiest characters the X Files has ever known. This episode even mentions Jeff – “People wondered why it took them so long to catch this kid in Milwaukee. Thought someone should have noticed he was killing all those young boys. The truth is, no one ever believed it could happen.” It was also said to be the inspiration for Chris Carter’s spin off show, Millenium! In fact, if you want to read more of my ramblings on this you can check them out at my blog on the subject – Jen Rambles about X Files or Millenium er some shit

    If you woke up with a penis, what would be the first thing you would do? I mean attached to your body, no John Bobbit scenario.

    I’d hump my rabbit’s foot. See how he liked it! Haha. I’d then probably cut it off to see how well it pickled. Have you seen the movie Terror Firmer? It is beyond levels of genius! 😉 Nothing like a bit of pickled dick to warm your cockles!

    You are stranded on a deserted island. If you knew you could live through it, would you eat parts of your own body if you were unable to find food? Got the idea for this one from the Stephen King story Survivor Type.

    Would this really work, chopping off bits of yourself to eat and then poop out again. Surely that would make things worse. I mean, least if they’re still attached to you….*ponders*…although I guess, when you think of the body’s ‘fight or flight’ mechanism, your body will naturally dispose of anything it doesn’t need to survive anyway. So technically, this is kind of like controlled fight or flight…right?!! Yes I’m havering shite. Haha.

    The world is overrun by giant bunnies. Do you think you would be all right, given your years of bunny service?

    Oh hells yeah, just give me a brandy and call me Elwood P. Dowd. 🙂

    Have you ever actually slipped on a banana peel? I tried to one time, and it just wasn’t happening. It just got all smushed on my foot.

    You know, I’m not actually sure. I can’t remember if I actually did…or if I just did what you did….which is kind of retarded but totally sounds like something I’d do! Huminah!

    “I like to dissect girls. Did you know I’m utterly insane?”-American Psycho

    That’s not insane dahling, just a little dash of fun!

    What do you think of the phrase torture porn? It always makes me think of a snuff film, and rarely does the phrase remind me of the actual films that are usually catalogued as such.

    Ugh, the phrase torture porn pisses me right off! I mean when all this “torture porn” crap started, it was referring to films such as Saw and Hostel. Now I’m sorry but how the fuck, in any way, shape or form, is SAW torture porn!?! Is Jigsaw beating one off as he’s peering through his peep hole watching fatty boom batty being ripped to shreds by barbed wire?? Of course not! Saw, which is in fact one of my all time favourite horrors, it’s about teaching people the difference between right and wrong…in the most beautifully, wrongest of ways of ways of course. It’s a sensationalist word created by morons looking to pull in your hard core gore hounds. The thing is, most gore hounds I know, myself include, hate the phrase. It’s the kind of term that I can imagine teenage boys and the readers of shitty lad’s mags picking up on. You know, the kind who just want to see tits and blood, couldn’t care less about acting/plot/character, anything really. The kind who probably think Murder Set Pieces is a good film! *shudder* I fucking HATE that film! Biggest steaming pile of wanky turd I have ever witnessed!

    So Beetlejuice you have to say his name three times, and Candyman you have to say his name five times (five times Tupac, not three!). Did I have a question here…oh right, how many times would I have to say your name before you appeared in a mirror with a hook, or showed up to help me be a ghost?

    I dunno, three times is always a classic, plus say Morleysaurus, Morleysaurus, Morleysaurus. Three times does have a good ring to it!

    Is the Morleysaurus a carnivore?

    Hells to the mother fucking NO!!! Morleysaurus is most definitely a herbivore! And has been for a very long time. A herbivorous Hobbit! I’m a great lover of vegetables, especially mushrooms. And not those kinds either. I am crazy enough. And contrary to popular opinion, I do not take lots of drugs to make me the way I am…I am naturally just fruity! A Norman Normal Girl. Who loves pumpkins too. I am so jealous of you Yanks and all your pumpkin goodness. This country sucks when it comes to lots of pumpkin nom nom nommmms. Haven’t even SEEN a pumpkin yet this year! I wants to eat them dammit!

    If a bat is basically a flying rat, how come I find rats cute, but bats scare me? If rats could fly, would I be scared of them as well?

    It’s the wings. It’s the fact that bats can flap round your face and get in the way. Plus, you probably think “rabies…rabies”, you know, like Steph in The Goonies when they move the rock. Haha. Or you just read too many Batman comics as a child and not enough Ratman, lol!

    Favorite book, GO!

    The Hobbit.

    Favorite movie about an author, GO!

    Sylvia.

    Have you ever seen the movie Go?

    Hells yeah! Went to the cinema on my lonesome to see it. Think I was going through my Timothy Olyphant phase at the time. Which coincidentally is back with a bang, bang, bang…thanks to Justified! 🙂

    Do you think that dude from Inception was dreaming? Follow up, are we all in The Matrix right now?

    Nope! We got out man, we got out!

    Why is my site so shitty? Is it because I’m such a lazy piece of crap? (This is me fishing for compliments, the esteem, it is lows.)

    The esteem ist most filled with wank munchery! Yes, that is right. The words you speak right now are wank…and then you munch them. Your site on the other hand, awesome articles. Highly entertaining interviews, the one with Adam Barnick still makes me laugh when I think about it. So yeah, shut the fuck up and bathe in your own entertainment! (Thanks…I think?)

    You ever gone fishing? It’s usually very boring, but sometimes you catch a fish, and get to bash its brain in on a rock, and splice open its guts. Much like I do when people knock on my door trying to sell me stuff.

    I fear I’ve said too much. Um, so yeah, ever gone fishing?

    Haha. Have you ever read the book Getting Rid of Mister Kitchen by Charles Higson? If not, read it! Only one of his books have been made into a film and that was King of the Ants, again, amazing book. Stuart Gordon actually did the movie adaptation. Loads was changed from the book which I wasn’t particularly impressed with. I still enjoy and own the movie, I just think they should have stuck more to the original plot. Oh yeah, and country!

    Anyhoo, fishing. I remember going once with my Dad when I was very young. I didn’t catch a fish. Thankfully.

    Do you have the power like He-man? What the Hell was the female equivalent of He-man again, there was one I think… My first instinct is She-man, but that’d be a way different show.

    SHE-MAN, Princess of Powaaaaah! Oh yeah! That is how I sings it y’all!

    I wish I had the power. Actually no I don’t. I want telekinetic powers. That would be rad. Screw the She-Man powers!

    Dahmer worked in a chocolate factory? What is the worst job you’ve ever had? Do you think it’d be fun working in a chocolate factory? Can’t have been that great if Dahmer went on to kill people. Do you think if Dahmer had a super fun job, he might not have killed and fucked so many people?

    I know, he would have been better working in a morgue. I’ve always wanted to work in a morgue. I wonder if Dahmer would have killed so many people if he worked in a morgue and not a chocolate factory? I mean, least in a morgue, he’d have plenty of people to readily fornicate. And he wouldn’t even need to kill them as they would already be corpus mentus! Aaaaaand, least if he worked in a morgue, body parts lying around at work would be the in thing! Well most definitely so when compared to a head in his locker in the chocolate factory! How creepy would that be, you go to your locker and he hasn’t locked his and you open it by mistake to have this head staring back at you saying “herrooooooo!”? Genius!

    Getting off track though, haha…worst job?? There was this one summer that I worked in a book store. Now the job itself wasn’t so bad, it was the summer and the store. It was possibly the hottest summer on record. This was when I was living down in Plymouth in the south west of England, and it was hot. Like so fucking hot and stuffy that on the bus on the way to work I started to have what I thought was an asthma attack. I was then zoomed up to see my doctor for emergency breathing machine crap and it turned out I was having a panic attack. I am highly claustrophobic anyway and I think it was the lack of air, I freaked out and started hyperventilating. Which is why I confused it with an asthma attack. So anyhoohooo, the store I worked in had zero air conditioning and I had to wear a long sleeved top. It was horrific. And for that reason alone I label it worst job ever!

    When do you think they will invent a new strange cartoon? You know Ninja Turtles was 80’s, Pokemon was 90’s? When is the next utterly bizarre cartoon with a ridiculous title going to come out? I don’t count Adventure Time or Flapjack because the titles are relatively normal.

    I dunno. I mean when you think of it, what are the chances of us even seeing this cartoon? How early do you get up to watch cartoons on a Saturday morning nowadays? Haha. And Pokemon/Powerpuff Girls, that was such a student thing, at least for me. And ooh Dexter’s Lab, I love Dexter! And Hey, Arnold! None were as good as Pepper Ann though, I swear the Disney channel followed me around and then made a cartoon about me! Actually that was flatmates of mine who said that but still, it’s so true! And what the fuck is Adventure Time and Flapjack?

    If a bear shits in the woods, and then a tree falls and kills the bear, does that mean that all life is meaningless unless you have witnesses?

    No, it means don’t poop in the woods without covering your trail otherwise when a tree falls on you, you might land face down in your own poop! Grosse! Haha.

    If you could live forever, would you?

    *sings* “Who wants, to live…foreverrrrrrr?” God I love that song! Living forever though, I dunno, it would get pretty boring. Am I a vampire? Is it like that Angel episode Somnambulist with Jeremy Renner as Penn? That, I could live with! Hells yeah! And oh, FYI, I loved Jeremy Renner before all y’all bitches yo! If I lived forever, vampire or not, I would most definitely become a serial killer! There are way too many assholes on this planet and I know I’d end up getting sick of them and going all chop chop chop on their asses!

    Favorite nonsensical phrase?

    Most of the shit that comes out of my mouth is nonsensical. Ummm, I lke to say “get those little legs moving!” to my dog quite a lot, but that’s not nonsensical as he does actually have little legs. That is a quote though. A quote that Sean, if you don’t know it instantly, I am going to FedEx my bunny over you to kung fu bunny the crap out of your face, ha! Simples. (Had to google it, guess I’m in line for a Bunny Kung Fu attack.)

    Favorite swear?

    Cunt-rag. Great word. Everyone should slip a little cunt-rag into their day more often! Thank you and good day kind sir! 😉