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Random-Ass Interview: Charlie Morgan

Charlie Morgan writes books, stories, greeting cards, (made that up) songs for weddings, (made up) and jingles for commercials (also made up). You can buy his work at http://www.ebooknightmare.blogspot.com and check out his facebook, http://www.facebook.com/scarecrow1356

Have you ever written something, and decided it was too much? Because I never have.
Is that a thing?

There’s such a thing as too much in this business? No I haven’t. Not yet anyway. Horror is about pushing the limits of what people are comfortable with. By definition it is the element of unease and you can’t get that if you pull back. That’s why I don’t understand why so many movies, or even books, are cut. It limits the original visions and cheats the audience out of the full experience. When you go on a rollercoaster they don’t slow it down or take out a loop if you scream too loud. For the most part the audience knows that they’re in for something scary as all Hell and that’s what they should be given. And if you can squeeze in something that really shocks them, they have gotten their money’s worth.

Oh and I did actually create one greeting eCard for Halloween this year.

You seen a Bigfoot yet?

No. I did manage to get a recording of something pretty spooky a while back. It was at Lake Summit which is very close to where I live. On the south side of the lake, myself and two others heard this very loud screaming coming from the woods. One person pulled out their cell phone and recorded some of it. You can’t see anything and the audio is okay but still doesn’t do justice to just how loud it really was. I’ve sent the recording to a few experts and one very big name in the field of cryptozoology (the study of animals that are unrecognized by science such as bigfoot, Jersey Devil, etc), none of them have been able to tell me what was on the recording. We went back a couple of days later and something was thrown from the woods to where I was standing in the road. I know it wasn’t just a loose stick falling from a tree. It had force behind it.

Any other crazy in the woods stories for us?

Always. There will be two more installments in the Sticks and Stones series. I’m hoping part two will be ready to go before Halloween.

Craziest thing you’ve seen as a firefighter, if you’re comfortable saying? If not, craziest thing you’ve seen on Youtube most recently?

I’ve been a fireman for ten years and there’s always something wild going on. Some of them we legally can’t talk about because we have mostly medical calls and there are laws in place that prevent us from talking about them. There was one that I think I’ll be okay with. I don’t remember their names or where it was so I don’t think I will be stepping in a big, smelly pile of red tape. The one that will ALWAYS stand out is a domestic dispute call we had. I will NEVER forget the way it came over my radio.

“Central to Green River. Have a domestic dispute at (blah blah blah). The wife is CHASING the husband through the yard with A RUNNING CHAINSAW!”

When we got there, it was pretty much how it sounded. If memory serves me correct nobody was hurt and it turned out to be pretty damn funny. I know that probably sounds really bad but you had to be there.

Anybody you’d like to tell to jump off a bridge? I’d like to tell a lot of people, but I wait, until a fun day when I have a larger audience.

There’s plenty. I would not tell them to jump off though. I wouldn’t be that rude about it. I would do the courteous thing and help them off the bridge. If needed I could always get a chainsaw on loan. I know where one is that’s not being used at the moment. We’re very neighborly around here.

Being a ginger, do you think gingers have an easier time for absolutely no reason writing horror, because some dumb people think red hair is a sign you are related to Satan?

I’ve dated redheads before and I will say they do have a certain fire to them. I’ve been accused of being related to Satan due to the fact that I write horror, I love horror, I listen to the “Devil’s Music” while I write horror, have spooky tattoos, etc. As far as this being geared specifically toward gingers? Perhaps that’s one of the great mysteries in life we will never know the truth to. On a completely unrelated note, are you still coming to the Black Mass this Sunday? Uncle Leviathan wants a headcount.

Worst show you’ve ever watched?

I do feel kinda bad saying this seeing as how a few of the stars recently died in an accident. Don’t hold it against me. I was watching a show called “Buck Wild” with my cousin. She had wanted to see it and I sat through some of it. I just felt that it promoted a lot of negative stereotypes about people who were born and raised in the south.

Zombies, how do they work? I read a comic with Mr. T in it that says they don’t.

I fully believe that if a zombie apocalypse did happen, the late, great Z.A. Recht got it right. Its a mixture of fast and slow zombies in a way that works. The initially infected are still alive and have all of their motor skills untouched. Once killed, the body is still effected by the virus and comes back as a slowed down version. The fresher you are, the better you move. I highly recommend his Morningstar Trilogy. Talented work.

Any pets?

Oh, yes. I have two dogs, three cats, chickens and the visiting local wildlife such as foxes, raccoons, coyotes, bear, deer, whatever the hell that was at the lake, etc. I live on a farm.

Favorite schlocky 80s horror film?

All of them! I fully believe the best movies ever made came from the 1970s and 1980s. Even the bad movies had merit and the ability to create a cult following. Today a bad movie just sucks and is much easier to forget. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve went searching for the bad movies, found them and was overjoyed. (If anyone knows where I can find a copy of H.P. Lovecraft’s The Unnamable – 1988, let me know. Been looking for it a long time on DVD. Also Rawhead Rex.)

How many years of food do you think David Moody has stockpiled?

David Moody is the British incarnation of Chuck Norris. David Moody is ready to survive nuclear winter, the zombie apocalypse, cyborgs, aliens, Triffids and the inevitable Twilight remakes without breaking a sweat or spilling his beer.

If an actual street fighter played the game Streetfighter, do you think he’d bitch about the lack of accuracy?

I think he would bitch more about the Jean Claude Van Damme movie.

Longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?

I believe it was almost three days.

Longest you’ve ever slept?

I went to bed around midnight (which never happens) and woke up about 4pm (something else that never happens). I’m a chronic insomniac.

What do you think of Charlie from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia?

I can honestly say that I have never watched the show. I know, I’m behind.

Best book you’ve read recently?

I’m currently reading Gord Rollo’s Valley of the Scarecrow and loving every bit of it. Then again I have an obsession with scarecrows.

Worst book you’ve read recently? You don’t have to use a specific name if you’re not comfortable. (Please don’t say mine.)

I’ve actually been really lucky and don’t have an answer for that. I haven’t read a bad book in a really long time. Not since high school, anyway. I remember there were a few I pitched across the room but don’t recall their titles.

Favorite animal?

Sumatran Rat Monkey

Do you like Animal from the Muppets?

Animal has been a huge inspiration in my life. He taught me the joys of music and also the best pick up lines for women. To this day chasing them while screaming “WOMAN! WOMAN!” hasn’t worked but when it finally does, I will know for certain she’s a keeper.

What are you currently working on?

Right now I’m working on a story called “Misery Machine.” Its my first attempt at a ghost story but its not the spooky house with rattling chains type. It is a very dark, very violent revenge story that will have a surprise or two. Also my short zombie story, “Birthday Wish,” was picked up by Robber Ant Productions to be made into a film. I’m really excited about that. It will be filmed in and around Kansas City, Missouri. Its in pre-production right now. Its in the hands of a very talented screenwriter and director by the name of Robert Butt. Some of you may know him from his comic book “HUMAgeddon.”

What’s the most difficult time you’ve had writing a story so far?

Everything I write has something personal to me in there. Its something I have been through or know someone close to me who has gone through something that makes its way in. The hardest for me was my zombie novella “Some Other Time.” In that book I opened a lot of old wounds and visited some old ghosts. I have a fear of the day May 23rd. That may seem very strange to some people but I refuse to even leave the house on that day. The reason for this is because I’ve nearly died on that day more than once. That fear comes across in a few stories of mine but none have ever told it the way it happened. I was hit by a drunk driver on my way to work on May 23rd, 2003. Two years later on May 23rd, 2005, I was on my way to town with my grandmother when a speeding car lost control and hit us. I was the only survivor. When they found me, my head was under water but I had no water in my lungs. I wasn’t breathing. When I wrote that book, I wrote about my death. I’m one of those folks who gets to die more than once. I don’t know if you would call that lucky or not.

For me writing has always been good therapy. Its the cheapest in the world because you get paid to do it. Its a way to vent things in a safe, controlled environment. Since “Some Other Time,” things have been a lot easier as far as dealing with what happened. I encourage anyone who has been through a traumatic event to sit down and vent to the keyboard when they’re ready. It does help. I always hope that in some way, these “vent” stories will help someone else who has gone through something similar. It always helps to know that you’re not alone.

Favorite neon-colored breakfast cereal?

Crumb’s Crunchy Delights

You remember that song about North Carolina, from that rapper. He demanded you take your shirt off and spin it over your head like a helicopter.

I’m more of a metal head. Besides, me stripping, spinning my shirt and things like that are 1,000 times more horrific than any piece of fiction I could create. Just ask my ex-wife.

No… wait…. don’t.

Thanks for answering the questions. Keep on putting one word in front of the other, dude.

You too, good sir.
Seriously, I need to know about the mass. “L” is getting antsy and you know what that means. He’s already throwing kittens at fans.

(I’m not sure?)


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